At some point during 2021 I took a little Post-it-note and
wrote down a two-word phrase that would become my mantra for the next 12 or so months. “NOT THIS” in fading red ink on an also
sun-faded pink Post-it-note watched me from its perch on the bookshelf next to
my home desk/work from home desk/ rectangle space where I spent most of my
waking hours and reminded me that what I truly wanted was indeed, not this. And by ‘this’ I mean a sort of house-arrest I
was trapped in by means of working from home, but all the time, while also
trying to ‘be a person’ in my own house.
I kept saying that to myself, “I just want to be a person”, as
that was the end goal. And I’m surely
glad I never said this out loud, as I am actually a person, but by ‘being a
person’ I wanted to be someone that was either working, or not working,
instead of the shell-human I had become, who would think about working all the
time, even when not logged in. Telling
myself, oh, I forgot something, or maybe I need to re-read that document, or
maybe I should be vetting someone else’s data.
I could not shut it off, and it was driving me mad. Add this to a work environment where you are
doing the job of three people and the interpersonal relationships mirror that
of your worst days of middle school, and it’s a toxicity you don’t bring home
because you already are home and there’s no physical escape, you must chant,
“Not This”.
One day at school pickup, after I had resigned from that
job, I was chatting with our parish’s Monsignor. I asked him if he’d come and bless our house,
more specifically, if he’d exorcize the bad juju floating around my work
rectangle in our home office. I didn’t
say that exactly, but at the closing for our house, we did learn that the
previous owner’s husband had his ashes sprinkled around the property. I used that as the reason for divine
intercession upon my living space. Monsignor
agreed to come, but not before going off on a tangent about cremation. Not so much from a religious point of view,
but I had mentioned that our home’s previous owner was the chief of the
Eastchester Fire Department. Monsignor
said, “How could a man who fights fire for a living, for a career, choose to
have his body burned in the end?” I
didn’t have an answer for him. I took a
moment to consider something I had never needed to consider before, but I
imagine when it came to being in a cold box six feet under, the Chief said,
“Not This!”
Not This has become a mantra not only for the burnt-out,
post(-ish) pandemic working moms, but for many populations around the world in
this last year. Humanity, writ large,
has had enough. Scores of workers said, “Not
This!” as part of the Great Resignation and for the first time in 40-some odd
years, wage pressure favored labor. And,
more recently, big Tech and others said, “Not This!” to that shift in power (no
they did not like it one tiny bit!) and said, “Not This!” with thousands of
layoffs. Netflix cracked down and said, “Not
This!” to account sharing. In the fall
of 2022, the New York Mets said, “Not This!” to their comfy 10 game lead and
their post-season berth to sink to wild-card contenders and then lose miserably. The incredibly brave women of Iran said, “Not
This!” to the Morality Police, hijab mandates and the all-encompassing
oppressive regime under which they live.
Americans (again) say,
“Not This!” as we watched the horrific violence delt upon Tyre Nichols just a
few days ago. The people of Ukraine said,
“Not This!” to the unprovoked invasion by Russia. Many Russian
conscripts said, “Not This!” to an unwanted draft. Even Mikhail Gorbachev, the only foreign head
of state I recall from my childhood, save Margaret Thatcher, said, “Not This!” to
Russian hegemony when he kicked the bucket last August. The state of Florida continuously says, “Not
This!” to reality and the 118th Congress said, “Not This!” not once,
not twice but fourteen times when they didn’t advance Kevin McCant’t-read-the-room
to the Speaker of the House seat he so desperately desired.
As empowering and efficient as “Not This!” can be, it’s only
a first step. You can’t build a path
forward by only negating the status quo.
You can’t build policy by just denouncing the other guy’s plan. You can’t galvanize lasting support by just
talking shit about the opposition (though it’s fun for a short while). We all need a “Not This!” moment to clear the
air and evict the demons. We need plans
in the affirmative, coming from a place of clear eyes and calm heads.
As for the State of the Union, which will air as this is published,
look for the people with a plan forward, and not just empty-calorie malcontents.
As for the State of the Borough, 8 months after leaving a
very stressful work situation, I feel like I can finally think about the future
and I’ve stopped living in a constant state of panic. There is once again free real estate in my
mind, and I can use it to daydream and write.
I get to ‘be a person’
again, and it’s fabulous!
